As an educator, I feel we do a disservice to our students if we do not push them to work harder by reading at higher levels, solving more difficult problems, and grasping deeper concepts regardless of the subject matter. I do not expect my educators to develop easy lessons for the students. Teach with love and compassion, but do not accept lower level work. Push them to struggle. If they struggle and persevere, they develop grit. If they struggle and give up, they aren't developing the grit needed to succeed when the going gets tough. Anybody can succeed when things are easy.
So, a word to educators and parents: do not make things easy on your students and children. Push them to develop grit because we all know people who fold like a house of cards whenever things get tough. They cannot handle the pressure and blame others for their lack of success. Let's help our students learn how to deal with failure and still move forward.
Unfortunately, I did not possess this grit when it came to academics especially when I struggled in school. CBHS was definitely a struggle for me. Thank God I had teachers who would not give up on me and pushed me to succeed. They didn't make it easy on me. They held me accountable. Catching up academically at CBHS was my battle. My parents never dreamed of stepping in and finding a way to make it easier for me academically. That's why they sent me CBHS. They did not want to make it easier for me. Just the opposite, and I'm glad they did.
I had grit in athletics but not enough for me to fulfill my dream of making soccer my career. I could have used more grit there. But, where I have always had grit is in the work place.
In all the places I have worked since I was a teenager, I have never been the smartest person in the room, but I did and will continue to out-work everyone in the room. I put in more time, energy, and passion into my work and have constantly moved up. I am proud of that. I love to work and I love where I work. And believe me, it takes every bit of time, energy, passion, and love to push forward at St. Ann. Most people wouldn't know this but it is a tough place to work.
For those of you who did not hear nor read my speech to the 8th graders at graduation (check out my previous blog to read the graduation speech), one of the things I focused on was not being afraid to fail. There is nothing wrong with failing if you are working hard to succeed, and you work even harder to pick yourself up and try again. Failure happens. Failure is a part of success.
This is a lesson Kelley and I taught our children early on in life, but we used a different phraseology with them. Instead of saying "Don't be afraid to fail," we would ask the question, "Are you afraid of success?" It was our way of teaching them that they cannot be afraid of dedicating the time and energy needed in order to succeed. Success isn't easy and it shouldn't be. You do not learn nor grow when times are easy. That happens through struggles and hard work; grit.
As a soccer player, if my team scored goals easily, it wasn't worthy of a celebration. Yet, the hard-earned goals are still etched in my mind. I am a believer that a hard-earned D, C or B is more worthy than an easy A. As parents, we need to remember that. Instead of complaining, making excuses, or looking for others to blame for hard-earned grades that are less than an A, we should praise our children for earning the tough grades. And, if they didn't work hard for that D, C, or B, there should be negative consequences involved. Think I was grounded and in summer school most of my high school years. I wasn't the best student. I paid the price. And, it helped teach me a valuable lesson. If you want to succeed, there is a price to pay.
There is something else I've learned about parenting. Do not praise your child(ren) for being smart and/or talented. Ex: You are so smart or I cannot believe how talented you are. Instead, praise your child(ren) for working hard in trying to accomplish a goal. The way I look at it, you might be smarter than me, but I'm going to outwork you. Being smart gets you nowhere if you don't have the grit to see things through.
My parents didn't praise me for doing what I was suppose to do. They praised me when I went above and beyond. I am very thankful for their parenting because they helped create the grit I needed to succeed in the workplace. My children were raised the same way. Through hard work and dedication, they have become the young people Kelley and I hoped they would be. We are extremely thankful. We led by example and our children followed. That doesn't always happen, but it did for us.
Did we make mistakes as parents? Oh God, we made mistakes just as all parents do. But we never fought our children's battles for them. We taught them their battles were for them to fight and overcome. How else are they going to survive and become independent in this world? It is a dog eat dog world out there and we are all wearing milk bone underwear (thanks Norm Peterson from Cheers).
Yes, I have the right to give advice and lecture on parenting. I'm old enough, my children are grown up, and I have worked with thousands of school aged children. I have made mistakes, but I have also learned a lot of lessons. Learn from me so as not to make the same mistakes.
Teach your children to walk on their own two feet. Helicoptering and snowplowing helps no one. No one wants to see their child struggle but the sooner they learn how to fight their own battles, the better off they will be. I've heard several parents at St. Ann use this phrase when their child complains and I love it. "Suck it up, Buttercup. That's life." I heard a great quote last week that makes so much sense. "Don't love your children so much that no one else can."
I love my children and all my students. I love them enough to make sure to teach them to be independent and successful. I love them enough to not keep them from failing. I love them enough to teach them how to get up and keep working to succeed. And, I love them enough to not do it for them. It is hard to step back sometimes. But, it is necessary.
Wishing all children throughout Shelby County a restful and safe summer.
Now, go read a book.
Live Jesus in our hearts...Forever!
God bless you,
Didier Aur, Principal
St. Ann Catholic School
Well said and true to the core.
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